I have always said that any kind of joke dealing with poop is funny. It is. I thrive on finding gag gifts for my loved ones that revolve around poop. One of my favorite websites back in the day was Doodie.com. I don’t know why, I just like stories, jokes, and anything else that involves poop.
All of my friends know this. So yesterday I’m sitting at the jobby job and I get a text from my pal that she just saw a toy polar bear that poops brown jelly beans. I’m almost in disbelief because I cannot believe such a thing exists and that I don’t already know about it. I’m also touched that her other comment was that she instantly thought of me when she saw the pooping polar bear. I tell my boyfriend about this toy and he bursts my bubble by telling me he’s already seen it, and that he heard there was also some kind of pooping penguin that he really wanted, because, and don’t ask why, he seems to think he is much like a penguin. And we talk about shit on occasion. So, of course, being the person I am, I have to research all of the above.
I find out that the pooping polar bear and penguin both exist through a website I stumbled upon, although I have already been assured that these toys are available at my local Rite Aid store. I am determined to seek out these candy dispensers so I can bring joy to my boyfriend and to my sister, who also thinks poop is hilarious, mainly because she poops probably six or seven times a day. Seriously. I hit Rite Aid after work and find the bear and the penguin and purchase both, wondering what the lady ringing me up is thinking to herself about my choice in products. I immediately take the penguin to the boyfriend, who seems overly excited about his wind-up pooping penguin. I call my mother and tell her I’ve secured the most perfect stocking stuffer for my sister . . . the Sub-Zero Poopin’ Hero Poo-lar Bear. She has already been notified by my sister via email that this is the most fantastic gift anyone could get her, and she is so happy that I’ve done the dirty work for her in actually finding it and spending an entire $2.99 to put a smile on my sibling’s face.
I’ve decided that I may have to go back and get more of these insanely inappropriate pooping dispensers because everyone in my life seems to think they’re amazing. Who would’ve known that plastic animals that poop candy would be such a hit this holiday season?